I SAY, I SAY, I SAY!

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man in front stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

A man asks, “God, why did you make a woman so beautiful?” God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

An old woman was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains. As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead pussy." The driver pointed to the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common."

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
A: About twenty kilos.

What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and hits his nose first!

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, "Which book helped you most in your life?" The woman replied, "My husband's check book!!"

A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called... 'Husband - the Master of the House?'" Sales girl: "Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!"

Someone asked an old man: "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife - darling, honey, luv. What's the secret?" Old man: "I forgot her name years age and I'm too scared to ask her."

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.
Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened!

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE:
Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!

When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion.

A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake!"

I SAY, I SAY, I SAY!

What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town and blow a few bucks.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there was one double bed in their room, so they have to share. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”

Confucius says, man with hole in pockets feels dicky all day.

Confucius says, woman hanging up side down have crack up.

A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next day and his teacher asked, ''What are your three words?'' The boy said, ''Takeoff zebra baby.''

Two Irish couples decide to swap partners to spice up their sex life. Afterwards Mick said to Paddy, “That was fucking great, I wonder how the girls got on.”